I´m going to start a recycling project at my school. I don´t know what I´m doing, but I will learn. Also, I recently adopted an abandoned puppy. She´s about 10 days old, so it´s like having a baby, sleepless nights and everything. I feed her with a little medicine syringe. She doesn´t have a name yet. I have a lots of work to do, and less than 7 months to do it in.

Picture Updates

There is something that happens every year in Dolores called, 'El Tope' Well let me begin even farther back. Every town in Nicaragua has it's patron saint, and a day of the year that they celebrate that saint. So when the time comes in Diriamba, which is the town neighboring Dolores, there is a tradition where they carry their saint to Dolores, where it meets up with two other saints from two other nearby towns, and there's a little party in the streets. These are two of them, I forgot which town is which.

These dancer guys are always there. They are called El Gueguense. Look it up.

This was from an English summer camp I worked with. This was my group and my co teachers.


This is from a leadership camp I worked at. This is my group and they were great.


This piece of watermelon was smiley all by itself.

It probably seems like I don’t do any work, because I never talk about my work. Work is difficult, and success is hard to see. I can plan a dynamic, communicative class, but there are always going to be too many students in it, and there is always going to be a majority that really doesn’t care. And there are lots of reasons for that. Some of them might think that a high school education isn’t going to get them anywhere because they don’t have the money to pay for a college education anyway. Or maybe, they might think school is a waste of time they could spend working, and making money to help out their family and just pay for food and other necessities. Some of them genuinely don’t care because their parents don’t participate in their education, either because they don’t realize they need to (that’s the teacher’s job, not mine!) or because they don’t have time because they are working all day. As an American, comparing Nicaraguan culture to my own, there is definitely a difference in work ethic. People just don’t demand that much of themselves or other people, here. That’s not referring to every person in Nicaragua, because I know quite a few hard workers, but as a general culture, you do the minimum amount of work just to get paid, and then you go home. An American like me would say there is no professionalism, here. either. But maybe it’s just because those things aren’t that important because of the economic situation. All that matters is getting paid, because that money is so necessary just to survive. So why would you waste time trying to stand out? No one can afford to do that. It’s not impossible. I’m sure there are plenty of success stories about lucky breaks and people who just worked their asses off and finally made it big. But it’s really hard. And the only difference between me and my boyfriend is that I was lucky enough to be born in the right country. Nicaragua’s story is so sad, and if you ever get a chance to read up on it, you would wonder how the place even functions at all. Anyways, I teach about 16 class periods a week, which is like 2 hours a day, in the mornings. Two of those days I will hopefully start going to a rural community kind of nearby to help a couple of English teachers there. Two nights a week I have a community English class, which is just basic English, starting from zero. One afternoon a week I’m going a conversation group for English teachers, so they can practice speaking. I also want to do something more tangible, so I want to see if I can find a good wall to paint a world map on, with a group of kids I select. Nothing too crazy, just sticking to my assignment. The beginning of this school year has been tainted by some health problems I’ve been having, and I’ve missed quite a bit of school, have had to cancel some of my community classes, have been unable to go to the rural community, and haven’t met once with one of my teachers to plan together. Hopefully things will get going soon. And I also have to think about what I’m going to do when I get back. I think I want to work or intern or something, with some NGO maybe? I honestly don’t even know what defines an NGO, I just associate it with volunteer/development work. I definitely want more school, but I don’t want to rush into an area of study without knowing for sure it’s what I want. And then, add to the mix a Nicaraguan boyfriend and all of the learning and ups and downs that go along with that, my brain is left all tied up in knots. And I only have 8 months of this left (not necessarily happy, not necessarily sad. not simple).

Let me be honest. Sometimes I’m afraid that my Peace Corps service has thus far just been a huge blow to my self-esteem and my health. I may have learned and be learning a few things about teaching English as a foreign language, and about classroom management, and I may be realizing the challenges to truly understanding people from another culture and not judging them by standards and definitions of right and wrong, professional and unprofessional, good and bad, hardworking and lazy, honesty and dishonesty, from my own culture. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll never find the thing that I’m naturally good at, because teaching is definitely not it. Neither is being a camp counselor. At least in comparison to other people I see around me. Even though I have always wished I was THAT person. It doesn’t come naturally. I’m afraid that I’m starting to regret being a Physiological Science major. That I should have studied anthropology or sociology or even something like Latin American studies or international development studies and then added some light science-y minor to quench my interest in that department. Not that I know what I would have done with those majors, either. I’m thinking maybe there would have been things in those majors that sparked my interest more, and would have stuck with me, or maybe I would have just associated it all with school and stress and GPA and an obligation and it would be a huge jumble in my head or forgotten like all of the physiological science and comparative literature stuff is. Because maybe I’m not an intellectual. Even though I have always wished I was THAT person. Even if I was an intellectual, I most definitely do not have the conversational or social interaction skills to prove it or show it. And of course, my insecurities about those abilities make me avoid certain situations or think that I need to prepare for them and therefore put them off until I feel ‘ready’, and then I don’t learn how to deal with them and I’m back at square one. I feel like I am constantly in a struggle to prove myself, and that is exhausting. And my measurement of my success is so dependant on other people’s praise or comments and I’m sure there are people in my life that could have told me that ages ago. And if I don’t get that reassurance I interpret every glance or sideways look or whisper as something negative about me as a teacher, whether it is other teachers or students talking. And I know that’s wrong. Anyone that works with insecure teenagers knows to tell them that most of the time, that is not the case. But I’m not a teenager. I’m supposed to be acting like an adult. But I can’t seem to shake it. And I want to tell them “Don’t you know that I’m doing my best? Don’t you know that this is difficult?” But if that knowledge isn’t enough to convince me, how can it be enough to convince them? What am I missing, that everyone else my age, and even younger, has managed to figure out? And I know the answer might be “To accept themselves as they are, Neha” or maybes something harsh like “That the world doesn’t revolve around them, duh!” so what is the problem, here? Why do I want so badly to be someone that doesn’t come naturally out of me?

PICTURES!!!

My jardincito!

My bathroom!

My bedroom!

My living room!

My kitchen! It´s pretty cute, I know.

"Ay Diosss..."

Man, it has been a looong time. My trip home was busy and was over before I knew it. I forgot to bring lots of things, like Pam spray! And Ghirardelli brownie mix and chocolate chip cookie mix. And a big jug of olive oil (or some other healthier cooking oil). Is soy oil better than vegetable or canola oil? Monday, I found a scorpion in my kitchen. I don't think I'll ever see one again, but I was totally freaked out. I killed it with Raid, and the little neighbor boy came over and broke off the stinger and carried the animal outside in his bare hands! My kitchen smelled like Raid for days. I'm going to get a baby bunny. I have to find a cage. I am already busy with work, but I'm good. I'm excited for the new school year, but it's going to have to go a lot better than last year for me to feel accomplished at the end of my service. I taught my counterpart's daughter an indian dance routine and her aunt wants to see if she can do it on some local tv channel. I bought a new camera battery in the states, so now I have a working camera, so I can finally take and post pictures of my house! Sorry I don't have those for you just yet. I'm thinking I want to do some project with Luis, too. He has the Spanish and the people skills, I have access to funds, he would have an idea about the best thing to do. That would be awesome. Hmmm...so much organizing to do in my brain ALWAYS. I'm going to a party in the streets tonight and the admission is 100 cordobas. It better be good.

hello there

I’m sorry it’s been so long. Let’s start with the fiestas patrias, which basically translates to “Patriotic Parties” and they’re independence day celebrations. I don’t remember which is which, but one of the days, September 14th or 15th, is celebrating the independence of Central America, and the other the independence of Nicaragua. This year the days fell on a Wednesday and Thursday, so naturally we lost the entire week of class. Monday and Tuesday were spent on band and marching practice, because every single student is required to march, both days, and Friday and the following Monday the teachers had off because they were technically working on the actual days helping the students march around. So basically I had a week off. I decided to go to Leon for three of those days, which is a big historical city a little north of where I am. Like a 3 hour bus ride in total. It was just a group of 3 girls, and we stayed in a hostel and partied too hard. Saw some sights too. One day I visited Julie and Matt who were taking a break from their isolated site and staying in a fancy hotel in Granada. Since I had gone on one of the actual holiday days, the 15th, I asked the bus driver when the last bus left from Granada to Jinotepe (back to my site), because schedules are different on holidays, and he said 5 o’clock, and I said “Are you sure?” and he said “Seguro” and so I came back at 5 and there were no buses so Julie paid for my taxi home, calling it a belated birthday present. I spent a night or two in Niquinohomo too, of course. The week after that, because of a long list of reasons, I made the decision to move! Also, that same week, the majority of the new TEFL trainees (because there is a new group every year) came and observed 4 of my classes. Then the week after that, I gave them a lecture on “Your First Class” and I moved! The new place is pretty expensive, but I think I can manage if the landlord doesn’t decide to make me pay for water and electricity separately. I don’t have internet in my house, and I don’t plan to get it. Anyways, it’s an actual house, not just a room. I don’t know when I’m going to post pictures of it because my camera battery is messed up, but I will eventually. I didn’t have to pay anyone to move it, Luis and his friend carried all of my stuff the 5 blocks to the new place. I moved in October 2nd, so it’s been about 2 weeks. This past week, a storm, I think its name is Irwin, decided to come in, and there has been no class for 5 days. Basically I just sat in my house watching movies all day. It was nice the first few days but now I’m done with it. Dolores literally has seen no sun in 7 days. Work, before this week of no work, has been going well. This Friday I arranged for another volunteer that works in a university in Leon to come give a lecture on pronunciation to the English teachers in Dolores and Diriamba, hopefully the rain lets up so everyone can come…I’m kind of excited for this school year to be over, so that I can start the next one fresh with everything I’ve learned and can implement my new plans. Like an English teachers conversation group. And a better organized youth group. And a real BEGINNER’S English class. And spending a little less time with Tania and a little more time with Gilberto and Jose Antonio, who definitely need it more. And having free weekends so I can FORCE my teachers to make materials with me. I don’t know if I mentioned it here, but I’m going to be working on the Peace Corps youth leadership camp, which should be some time late January or early February, which should be really challenging and fun. In addition to all of this I have COMING HOME to look forward to! In less than two months!!! I should probably start making plans…
Luis and his friend have been spending a lot of time here in Dolores, because Luis is super Catholic and somehow became BFFs with the pastors here, and there is a big Catholic…spiritual center, I guess you could call it, here in Dolores called Betania, and he brought his friend to some event there and then he got all religious and recently got baptized. It reminds me of high school and middle school when everyone was discovering God and all my friends were taking me to church with them and people were getting serious and baptized.
I hope to plant some basil and oregano and cilantro and spinach in my front yard at some point. And maybe get a pet bunny. I was seriously considering a puppy but that might be too much responsibility than I want. And I’ve never been much of a cat person.
I suppose this is all for now, here are some pictures:

Ready to start marching after singing the national anthem.

Big band drums.

Little girlies dancing in skimpy outfits.

Marching.



Luis serenading Alison (an environment volunteer who was in Dolores visiting her training host family; she got to Nicaragua the same time I did) during a little dinner party I had at my old house.